Rebirth
LOVE BEYOND FEAR
“You are the revelation
You are trust in its real meaning
My heart, my knowledge, my body’s sensations, my spirit’s bendictions.
Those are the real things.
They encourage my love beyond fear.
Trust in forgiveness, bury the hatchet, the separation so you may walk in beauty under the shining star.
The mother of the seventh lunar cycle clan, I love all things, we learn to honour all of the body’s senses and spirit as well. This way, we can bridge the gap between heaven and earth in our own body. When heaven (our spiritual nature) and the earth (our physical nature) live in harmony and are the senses of this harmony, we can see the entire creation as an occasion to learn and grow.
The bridge of forgiveness in the deepness of self-imposed separation relieves the pain from our injuries. Then mother earth welcomes us and shows us the path of healing to us all.”
These are messages I got when I met Jorge and he had me ask the book of ayahuasca what it had to say to me. He is the ascendant of the primary chief in charge of healing in Ecuador. As I sat with him, he spoke Spanish and as much as I didn’t know what words he spoke I could feel his message. Lucy (a wonderful gal I met along my travels) knew a little bit of Spanish and translated a couple things for me. As we were about to leave I tried to kill a mosquito and he told me to send them love and they will leave me alone. That’s when I knew I wanted to learn more from him and his tribe.
They were having a sweat lodge and vision quest in the mountains in a couple of days and invited us to join. After we left I talked to Lucy about it and said I would sleep on it as I wasn’t sure about what I would be getting into if I went. I knew they were doing ayahuasca and I wasn’t sure I wanted to partake as I had already done San Pedro in Peru (an alternate version of it) and it was incredibly intense, so much so that my friend Corey went home afterwards. In the end I thought I would go, if anything to witness it all and learn more about the traditional practice and healing methods they use.
I went with a local doctor and another guest of the hotel I was staying at. We got there and sat around in a circle waiting for the others to arrive. People came from all over the country to be a part of this ceremony. While we waited I thought about leaving a thousand times. I was so out of my element and was fearful of what might happen. Then the ceremony began.
The shamans spoke to the group about the intention of the ceremony. After that, we received a ball of Tobacco and were told to throw it into the fire with our own intentions for the evening. What did we want to learn from ayahuasca? I told the fire that I wanted to release my fear around love and that I also wanted to raise the vibration of the planet. I asked her to show me or tell me how I could do that.
Then it all began. A shaman with no hands came around and put tobacco water up everyone’s nose…by putting it in his mouth first and then spitting it into your nose. I was the last one to receive it and asked (or more rather pleaded) that I skip that part. He went ahead and did it anyway. I instantly felt like I wanted to vomit. The other participants were also reacting the same way. They gave us vomit bags before this all began and most were already in service.
We patiently listened to a long speech by Jorge (the primary shaman) in between the struggles the group was having with the tobacco that found its way into areas the body wasn’t fond of. This followed by the administration of the ayahuasca. By now I was thinking of running deep into the woods and hiding out for the night since I had no where else to go, but instead I convinced myself and my ego that this is going to be an incredible experience. That I needed to see what she had to say about fear and how I can help humanity! There is a big part of me that wishes I would have ran away considering what came next.
Vomit. Vomit. Vomit. 20 people involuntarily giving a plastic bag everything their stomachs could force out.
Everyone was releasing the ayahuasca in a volatile way. Grown men were rolling around on the ground moaning. I held my composure thinking- “I’m not going to vomit. I feel ok.”
Meanwhile Sean, my fellow roomie from the hotel was sweating profusely and in the fetal position on the cement moaning. The Dr was also in the same position. Then, I started to see green lights shooting into the fire like a video game. After that came the most incredible visions I have ever been witness to.
They call it the spirit molecule due to the DMT in it and how it illumiates the third eye. This spirit molecule is what gets secreted when you are born and when you die. They say that you deal with the ego and release what holds you back from being in your heart. There is the death of the ‘old you’ and a rebirth of the ‘new you’.
The first few hours were about birth for me. I felt like I could see heaven. I felt an incredible amount of love. I can’t even begin to try and explain the incredible images I saw. The beauty was overwhelming and the messages started coming. One of them was “everything is what you make of it”. I thought about the depth of that statement for what felt like ages. Then I started to go through my whole life. I saw the faces of everyone important to me and some I haven’t even met yet. I could tell I was clearing things up within these relationships, all done without words, just feelings and visions. Then it got dark. The images were scary and ‘hellish’. The shaman beside me was getting a dance of release (it’s something they do if they see darkness in your energy field). The leaves they were shaking all over him coupled with the chanting was enough to make me projectile vomit…over and over…and over again.
At this point it’s been about 5 hours and all I want is to feel normal again. I’m wondering when it is going to end. Wishing and hoping for reality. I felt like I was in an episode of True Blood. I kept telling myself that it is what it is and to breathe through it.
The rest of the group continued to do a sweat lodge to further their visions and cleanse. I couldn’t fathom that and stuck to my cement seat and dirt floor. I tried to sleep but with the senses being on overload there was no chance of that happening.
The sun came up and the hours passed. As if a lifetime had passed me by, I finally reached my hotel room and continued to wait out the high. I slowly began to connect with reality all the while swearing to myself that I will never do something like that again.
It’s now been 4 days and as much as I reflect on all of it, here is what I take away from it (at least for now). There is value, I can see where the researchers want to continue discovering the benefits of ayahuasca. This ancient healing method has merit and continues to heal many people. Do I think it is a dangerous, volatile way to reach a spiritual connection to self and source? Abso-freaking-lootly.
I will gracefully say goodbye to South America’s traditional way of healing and end my personal discovery with the plant medicine these shamans use. I will start my search once again with the land of plant medicine that looks more like turmeric and ginger. I’m going I see if I can meditate my way to the same spiritual high! Ayurvedic medicine is calling my name. Anyone care to join me?
The world is as you dream it!
About 2 years ago I had a dream I knew I would never forget. I was in a field with coyotes running all around me. The next thing I remember was talking to a lady counsellor that took me through the conversation of my life. When we were finished chatting, she shapeshifted into a male counsellor. This man looked me in the eyes and said “for you…..two remedies. First lemongrass, then ayahuasca.” After I woke up, the first decision I made was to go to Bali and Indonesia later that year as I knew that is what lemongrass represented to me in the dream. That trip changed my life forever. After that, I knew at some point in my life that ayahuasca would be the plant medicine to carry me forward in my healing journey. That day recently arrived as I had the opportunity to do a ceremony with ‘San Pedro’. This is known as the masculine version of ayahuasca that is native to the Andes. This ceremony took place in the Sacred Valley of Peru.
Do you remember the movie Avatar? It did incredibly well in theatres. Viewers were transported into a dream-like state of natural beauty that then became taxed with the burden of, and the fight against, human interaction. It displayed our ability to concur and destroy. I remember hearing about people getting depressed after watching it because they saw this magical existence and then walked out of the theatre back to their concrete reality.
What I experienced a couple days ago was my version of the movie Avatar. It started with drinking plant medicine prepared from a cactus. The Curandera (female shaman) did a cleansing on us to start. There were three of us participating: myself, Corey (my friend who I am currently travelling with) and Leo from Switzerland. She used ‘palo santo’ (known as the holy stick) to clean and clear our energy field. Then she sprayed us with a liquid mixture that offers protection for the journey ahead. Once that was complete we sat in a circle and were given a ceremonial cup full of the plant medicine she had been cooking on the stove for the past 12+ hours. We proceeded to have not just one but two full cups of it. After that we grabbed our belongings and headed to the mountain for the day.
Within a short period of time I started to notice my senses shift. Everything became vibrant and little sounds had an acuity like I had never experienced. We then climed a mountain to reach one of the most beautiful spots on this earth I have ever seen. There was a waterfall and a cave full of moss moving within droplets of pure spring water. I took my shoes off and celebrated in the purity of the moment. For the next few hours I would drink from Mother Nature’s fountain, lay in the sun and experience a whole new level of communication with nature. I could hear it sing, I could see and feel the energy of the mountains. For most of the afternoon I felt that I had been gifted with a little taste of heaven. I never wanted to leave this place in all its beauty. Beyond the natural experience, the medicine also produced images of fractals and sacred geometry when I would close my eyes or focus on something intently. I felt at times it was more then 3D and that I was in my own alternate reality. One of the messages I received from the medicine was to celebrate life and to honor all those who were here before us.
After hours of an altered experience of reality, we walked back into town. Once we reached the edges, Leo asked me if I could feel the difference. I replied with a strong “yes” and continued to tell him that it felt a little like prison. The energy shift was a feeling of confinement and isolation from the magical beauty that was surrounding us all day.
Many people before me have done this plant medicine and have said they will never be the same. I can now put myself in that category. I grew up in Canada quite disconnected from nature. In fact, quite afraid of it. If I went hiking I would worry about bears and cougars the entire time. If I sat outside I would worry about getting stung by a bee or wasp. The connection I felt to nature allowed me to feel the balance of existence and communicate on a whole other level with it. Now I feel more like it’s my playground and sanctuary. That it holds such beautiful space for expansion of consciousness and connection to our natural selves. Where we can think or not think. Where we can play and be any age we chose. Where are are free, fully alive and cared for my ‘pachamama’ (Mother Nature).
With that said, I still love the life I’ve lived and am grateful for all the pleasures it provides. I feel it is the expansion from this experience that has brought me closer to my roots of existence and now I understand why they call it plant medicine. It’s like I heard Mother Nature for the first time without the illusion of fear.
People choose this medicine for a variety of reasons. In this area of the world it is one of the most popular ways to reconnect to nature and to our inner selves. People have done it for thousands of years to assist in their healing journey. Although I don’t believe it is for everyone (and I caution anyone thinking of doing it to not just jump in without fully understanding–research to make sure it is right for you) I do believe in its powers to heal and think it will continue to work through me in the years to come. There are many ways of getting there and this is one of them.
With the recognition that our imaginations can bring us anywhere, I ask you this: what reality do you want to dream into existence?
Untapped potential
When I first got to Peru, I was excited about the adventure of uncovering the mystery behind healing. What threw me was all the pollution and chaos I felt. Here is a country full of healers and yet, the fumes were nauseating and the filth around me was disturbing.
Right beside the loud ‘motorkars’ and homeless families is the beautiful Amazon. The potential for healing from the plants it possesses is more then you can imagine. I can’t help but think that Mother Earth has provided us with all the answers and medicine to help us grow, yet she feels like her potential isn’t being used properly or to the depth that she allows.
I had the pleasure of interviewing a handful of local shamans in Iquitos. These Amazonian healers all come from the roots of the indigenous people that live their lives outside in communion with nature. I have since learned that they are all living in the city trying to survive. Many shamans in this area have a bad reputation because they use their powers to try and make as much money as possible. In a way, can we blame them? They are not in their natural environment anymore and are trying to survive in a relatively new one with whatever comfort they can manage. When interviewing them, they all said that they communicate with the plants. That the plants hold the energy of the spiritual masters and that these masters work through the plants to deliver their medicine to the people who need them.
One of the shamans said that purification is the most important thing you can do to raise your healing potential and that if you do it properly it can last up to a year before you have to go back into the jungle to do it again. Purification is the process of doing ‘the diet’ (eating very clean with no salt, sugar, oil etc) and doing ayahuasca (plant medicine that reconnects you with the spirit world and helps to clear your field of negative energy). It sounds like they go into the jungle to charge up their batteries so they can handle their current state of city life. I can’t help but wonder why these tribes didn’t return to the jungle rather then endure a life of poverty and processed foods.
I met a woman that had just spent 3 months in the jungle working with the plant medicine. (This includes much more than ayahuasca) She said that the healing she received was more than years of therapy could have given her. That she connected with herself, found her centre, and reorganized her patterns physically, mentally/emotionally and spiritually. There was a level of contentment within her that I found intoxicating.
The shamans said that when they do ayahuasca they can see darkness in your field and they remove it with the help of the spiritual masters that show up in ceremony. When asked where this darkness comes from they all replied that it comes from mistreating self, harming ourselves and not cherishing our bodies. They all believe that it is their connection to one of the original healers, Jesus christ and that his energy and their belief in him allows them to heal others. It sounded to me that they would focus on love and light to remove the hurt. That sounds beautifully healing to me!
Could it be that all of our so called sickness that is starting to overwhelm our culture could be from ignoring the potential these plants have to offer not only on a physical level but on every level of healing? That we go about our day trying to ‘make ends meet’ in a society that demands an unnatural way of living that leaves no time for connecting to our our inner spirit and purifying our bodies?
Our logical brains keep searching for the answers to wellness. Maybe it’s time we open the potential we all possess inside and all around us for the depth of healing we are all searching for.
Are you ready to unlock your inner wisdom and see what potential shows up?
Found an Angel
Today started with a bang…literally. I turned on my hairdryer and it burst into pieces! Apart from the shards of plastic flying around the room and pure embarassment for not checking the voltage first, I’m fine. I took this as a sign that this trip should not be about hairdryers but rather the raw experience of the Amazon jungle.
As Corey and I walked through town we stopped at a hostel and talked to quite a few travellers about ayauasca. They had all just gotten back from their jungle experience. One of the men trekked on foot for 3 hours to find his Shaman, would work for 3 hours a day and paid 50 soles for the ‘experience’. When asked how it was, he said “it is a very personal experience and that it is a tool. If you are ready for it then it can assist you in healing and if you are not ready for it then it is a tool that would hurt you, so make sure you are ready for it”.
Another guy sitting beside him with long dreads and a beer in hand spoke about it as well and said that he had done it many times and only once did he have a profound experience where he cried. He said the best place according to him is in Columbia. Considering they have incredible massages to offer as well, that comment became quite appealing to us as a good massage is pretty much non-existent in Peru.
Then we talked to a group at a table that were recovering from ayauasca, but more so from the water they drank without filtering. Instantly getting explosive diarrhea was the side effec, and brought them back from the jungle a few pounds lighter. Good thing we brought filters!
As we left there and explored more of the downtown core of Iquitos we passed a small bird that was dead on the side of the road. I pointed it out to Corey and said ‘poor bird, I think its a hummingbird’. He then replied, “ah, that’s not a bird. Pretty sure it is a large moth!” Luckly I didn’t bet him because he was right! At that moment I thought to myself…”am I really ready for what’s in that jungle?” At this point I would have to say no, but I am only 4 days into this adventure so I guess time will tell.
We continued to walk down the street and a gentleman from a shop came out and asked us if we are interested in any tours. I said to Corey “it couldn’t hurt to check it out”. We sat down and he told us about the various options and to my surprise, doing ayauasca was one of them. We told him we were most interested in that option and that we were looking for good ones that are the real deal. He then spoke to us about his experience. He said he works with 2 masters and that it took a long time for him to believe in the medicine. He said he was feeling very frustrated with his life and decided to try it. He said he never had anything profound happen. Then his father died and he felt closer to the divine. After a few months he tried it again and found it gave him clarity and a new connection to the divine. He said “ayahuasca has the ability to wash away what you see in front of you and bring you closer to God”. When I asked him what he believes ‘healing is’ he replied “It’s clarity of vision, to recognize that God is not above us or in a place surrounded by Angels. God is within us and is everything within you. Healing needs to be done naturally through faith and is about you helping yourself”.
Once we had this conversation with him we told him about ‘A Healers Perspective’. He got quite excited and said he would be honoured to assist us in interviewing healers. He then introduced himself and said his name is ‘Angel’. I smiled and knew he was the perfect person to help us!
a celebration of life
The journey has begun. I left my life as I know it to embark on a journey of trust and faith– with the intent to uncover the world’s wisdom when it comes to healing.
What I didn’t realize was that the healing began the moment I said yes to my new life….and so it began….with the death of the old one.
With the decision to let go of all my belongings, I chose to do a living estate sale. The night before the sale after my family and I had prepped my house for it, we went to put stuff in my mom’s vehicle and as my brother opened the front door of my place there were 3 hares on my front lawn sitting in a triangle staring at us. I am a big believer in signs, especially from animals. In the past, anytime I had a big decision to make that would impact my future and I was potentially not choosing in favor of what is best for me, a spider would appear (to me spiders represent weaving a web you wish to live, dream your dreams alive) so when these hares were staring at us it certainly caught my attention!
In the summer a friend of mine told me she saw a similar formation of hares the day her father died. So, I messaged her to find out what she knew about this sign. She told me that it signifies big change in your life; a rebirth, resurrection, reflection of the old life and celebration of the new one. She said it is known as the ‘three tinners hares motif’ and is full of mythology.
The following day was more than expected as I became witness to all the love in my life. Friends, clients and family all coming to say goodbye and to take ‘a piece of me’.
The beauty was that I got to experience my life as though I was dying or already dead. Everyone expressed their true feelings to me about who I have been to them and how I have helped them. It was incredibly humbling and surreal to be physically alive as well as a witness to my ‘celebration of life’.
With that said, I honor all the lessons past and all the new ones to come. I give gratitude to all the people in my life that are supporting this journey and to the animals that appear on my path.
Let the celebrations continue!
What is healing?
There are many ways to define healing and I believe it is all a matter of perspective.
Depending on who you are and what you have experienced in your lifetime, the answer behind the question will be vastly different.
There is such a range of healing modalities available to us today. There are shamans, nutritionists, reiki masters, Doctors of modern medicine and Doctors of traditional chinese medicine. These are just to name a few.
The common theme behind a healing modality is to help people feel well and depending on what kind of healer they see, the focus can be physical, mental, emotional and/or spiritual. These healers are driven by seeing success in their practice and by watching the growth of their clients or patients in any of those areas.
In todays modern world we have an incredible amount of knowledge available to us. Some would argue that there is too much out there now. That the amount of information out there makes everything confusing about what to believe. Having been a nutritionist for 10 years I am witness to the many articles and studies that come out and contradict each other. One starts to question; is all this knowledge helping us or hurting us?
It has been my passion to understand the human condition and to help people as well as myself understand this world and ourselves. I have been through my own personal struggles and helped thousands of others through theirs. One of the main things I have learned from it all is that we are all so different! There is not one answer, one diet, one form of medicine appropriate for all of us. We may look similar but our needs vary depending on where we live, what our lifestyle habits are, what our genetic background is and so on.
Over the course of my life, I have filled my thirst for knowledge. Now I am hungry for ‘wisdom’! The wisdom I am seeking is from healers that learned primarily from their ancestors. Ones that learned from intuition and from connecting on a spiritual level.
As a society, one thing I am witness to is that when we get further away from nature, the sicker we get. One of the terms I use with my clients is- as close to nature as possible. Nature knows best! The wisdom in nature will always persevere and strive for balance on all levels. The further away we get from this concept the sicker we get. I want to learn from healers who understand nature to its core. I want to bridge the gap between knowledge and wisdom when it comes to healing.
So, what is healing to me?
Healing is about discovering our true selves. Transcending our fears. Loving what is.
As a healer myself, throughout the years the definition has changed based on my learnings. With where I stand today, taking into account my experiences and knowledge gained from clients and courses I would say that healing is about turning fear into love.
Healing is one of the most powerful things we can experience. People who have faced life and death situations commonly say they have a different perspective on the world. Their level of appreciation for the little things, for their loved ones and for the ‘present moment’ reach new heights.
As a human being, we have natural survival instincts that make us do what is necessary to survive situations. When we persevere through our fears, it changes who we are at the core. We can heal from physical ailments, from a broken heart, from debt, from just about anything! When that happens it is common for the person to start truly living life. WIth that said, I am leaving my current and comfortable life in Canada for a journey towards wellness that will stretch across the globe. I am going to start this in the fall of 2015 and see what healing secrets I can uncover.
Are you ready for another perspective on health and healing? One that makes you re-consider your paradigm of wellness? If so, sit tight and enjoy the ride!